04.23.07
You’re Not Helping
Hey, all. Turning in a couple of DS games for the new Pokemon title later this afternoon; this news is not earth-shattering, of course, but since it is spring I figure I ought to start doing some of my typical spring activities. Specifically, the catching of them all. I’d mentioned this at Netjak a few weeks ago, when the weather started to get nicer (and before it turned nasty again), but certain seasons trigger the desire for me to play certain games. Usually I play a significant amount of handheld games in the spring and early summer, on a cheapo chaise on either my balcony (in Coudersport or Erie) or in my back yard (in Cuba or Pittsburgh). I didn’t do so in Cleveland because I a) didn’t have a personal outdoor area, having given it up in favor of a ground-floor apartment, and b) was too busy Aerobic Brooding to play games anyway. Hell, it was a good day in Cleveland when I opened the blinds.
ANYWAY. What have I been occupying myself with? Mostly Super Robot Taisen. After I made the site I found I had an interest in the games, and having played through just under half of the first one in the Original Generations line (or 1/4 of my payment for completing the site, heh heh) I can honestly say that that interest was well-founded. They’re solid tactical games, and the storyline is deep but strays a bit too far into Gundam SeeD-level pacing for my tastes. I mean, come on, I’ve been on the approach to the DC’s base for seven missions now! I am commanding a spaceship capable of faster-than-light travel and it’s taken me three days to get from the southern point of Japan to the Equator! I hate to ask this, but are we freakin’ there yet?!
I made a post about this on Saturday night, when I saw it (coming home from Sharon), but it bears mention here, too. DSI Games, who have brought us such gaming classics as… well, they produce mostly garbage, and their latest offering is no exception. It’s Wiffle Ball Advance. For the DS. That in and of itself should tell you a little about the quality of the title we’re dealing with here but it gets better. Aside from the game being almost unplayable, which being a licensed game is practically a given, the game actually is a licensed game. DSI paid good money to Wiffle, Inc. to make a travesty that shall forever shame the name “Wiffle” game based on it. Brilliant move on the part of Wiffle, Inc.; kind of dubious thinking on the part of DSI. Hey, at least they’re thinking. Sorta.
But wait; that’s not all! The game does not feature single-card wireless play. That’s right, if you want to play Wiffle Ball with your friends, both of you have to shell out $20 each for the game. Alternately, you can just go ahead and split the $4 cost of an actual Wiffle ball and bat set. Heck, if you really wanted to save money you could just buy a cheap knockoff set from the dollar store; fifty cents each! Now all you need is a friend and a park to play in. Both being in relatively radiant abundance, and the need for this game is almost completely obviated.
I am sure that just one of you is looking up at my 360 gamercard there and saying, “John, you big fat lazy hypocrite who smells funny and has a nasty haircut! You play Uno on Xbox Live! It’s the same thing! You are just as much a tool of the machine as the poor saps who buy into Wiffle Ball Advance!” There is a difference, and I admit the fact that I spent a significant amount of Sunday playing Uno with people who were not there caused me a bit of consternation whilst composing this essay. The difference is subtle, of course, but it is an important one. The difference is the multiplayer aspect of it. Uno Live allows and encourages online play. Wiffle Ball Advance does not. Moreover, I do own an Uno deck of my own, and there are occasions that I break it out and play with friends. (Which reminds me, Pez, I need to ask you about setting up a Risk night with Markiw and possibly the PxF folks too.)
I think the real issue is that, fundamentally, Wiffle Ball and the DS have two wildly divergent target age groups, and that attempting to cross them in the manner that has been done is nothing short of unabashed, bald-faced greed. I would probably be a little less offended if this were in fact 1987 and the game was being produced by some back-alley Hong Kong pirate code-house in one of those seven-hojillion-in-one knockoff NES cartridges. At least then it would have an amusing name like “Super Prastic Happy Fun Ball Yard EX”. Here in the age where video games are coming into the mainstream, some twenty years beyond those dark times, it’s insulting; it basically sends the message that “we know that gamers are fat and lazy, and by God we’re going to make the quick and immoral buck off them”.
I’m not even going to go into how shoddy the cover for the game is or how, by the accounts of the few brave reviewers, the copy on the back cover bears almost no resemblance to the actual gameplay. I think this already sends a pretty clear message of my own: “DSI, in the fight to legitimize video gaming, you’re not helping.”