06.09.06
Sample jokes for Buck-A-Joke
Mount Graham: Being in Arizona and named Mount Graham has got to suck. It’s probably right between Mount Honey and Mount Peanut Butter. What I wanna know is where Mount Big Freaking Glass of Milk is.
The Equalizer: You’re not going to find a guy like that on TV these days. Or if you are you’re going to have to deal with the knockoffs– the Splendaizer, the Sweet’N'Low Soldier, or my personal favorite, The Aspartame Assassin.
Venice Gardens, Florida: Anyone else come here and expect old people playing shuffleboard on gondolas? I’m a little disappointed, myself.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood (yes, this really did come up on random): Did you know they had a Greatest Hits album? Isn’t that a little superfluous? Or maybe pluralizing it was hopeful. Actually, it kinda works. The album produces a really awesome array of shrapnel once it hits the wall.
Slacklining: n. The time in between coming home from work and doing various house chores in which no real work is actually done. “I managed to get to Level Seven during my slacklining on Thursday.”
Gun Safety: This guy I know is really scared of his guns. He was so worried he’d accidentally hurt someone that when he was being held up, the mugger had to help him turn the safety off.
Work: n. An accurate way of measuring the Theory of Relativity.
Tops Friendly Markets: I remember the commercials for these back when I was little. Some really phony pop group singing “Tops Never Stops Saving You More”. I always changed the last little bit. “Tops Never Stops Ripping You Off”… “We’ll Never Stop Pimping Your Store”… “We’ll Never Stop Being Corp. Whores”.
Leopard Tortiose: I firmly believe that whoever named this animal was high. ‘Cause you have to be really messed up to think that applying the word ‘Leopard’ to a damn slow-ass turtle sounds good.
Sir Dick Franks (this really makes its own joke, but you pays your money and you takes your chances): I am firmly committed to discussing Dick Franks. I will ask hard questions about Dick Franks; won’t throw Dick Franks any softballs; will drive the point home about Dick Franks. Actually, come to think of it, Dick Franks sounds like what they sell on street corners in the Amazon village.
If you like what you’ve seen and think you have a good topic for a joke, it’ll only cost you a dollar:
Pez said,
06.12.06 at 7:26 am
“Tops never mops, look at their floors” is the one we always used. Though I also used the “Tops never stops, ripping you off” as well..